i can't believe this shit is real

Ok, seriously? What the fuck am I looking at right now? It looks like Urban Outfitters, American Apparel, neon colors, and Maybelline eyeliner had a hot, sweaty orgy at a swingers club, and somehow spawned this litter of trash. Ladies and gentleman, meet the future and/or current obsession of 13-15 year old hairchunks across the country: The Millionaires. They tease their unwashed hair to ungodly levels of poofiness They wear shirts with allover text saying something "cool" or "edgy" about dancing, neon bracelets reminiscent of 4th grade, and FUCKING NAME PLATE BELT-BUCKLES. Aside from their innumerable fashion travesties, they also make what some unfortunately call "music".

I'm not even sure where to begin with this. I guess my point can be summed up in the fact that the first song you hear when visiting their Myspace is "Just Got Paid Lets Get Laid". Amongst the Garage Band Loop'd beats and incoherent mess of shitty synthesizers, the obnoxious/over-produced voices of three girls that sound like they're 14 years old come through. They talk about drinking, having sex, being "VIP", and countless other topics you would expect from a group of teenage girls that frequent the mall and idolize Kiki Kannibal. 

Through further analysis (and lurking), I came to find that these girls are 20 years old.  I mean, when I was under 21 I was all about underage drinking and such (well, after I broke edge), but I wasn't flaunting it by making shitty "rap" songs about doing "shots of jager". Let's get a few things straight:

-Drinking alcohol is fun

-Being an alcoholic is not cool

-Being an underage-scene-queen-myspacewhorewhorapsaboutbeinganalcoholic is even more not cool because the chance that any of these girls can take two sips of an alcoholic beverage and not lose their shit is slim to none.

Going back to the song title "Just Got Paid Let's Get Laid" issue: I don't know about most of you, but the thought of these girls getting any action from any penis makes my stomach churn. I feel like the sight of my bed the next morning would be similar to a box of crayons throwing up.

I guess there's not much else to say about the Millionaires. I'm pretty sure their music is self-explanatory. I'll leave you with a question: Would you rather have sex with the girl in the image on the right?----------------------------->

or listen to The Millionaires? TRICK QUESTION! HAVING SEX WITH THE GIRL ON THE RIGHT WOULD PROBABLY INVOLVE LISTENING TO THE MILLIONAIRES WHILST FORNICATING!

Suck it.