i can't believe this shit is real part deux

Disclaimer: If you have yet to hear the atrocity that is Brokencyde, please, do yourself a favor and STAY AWAY.  I can't stress this enough. Sewiously. I feel that my life post-Brokencyde is far worse than it was pre-Brokencyde.  So for the love of everything good in this world, spare your precious eardrums the severe punishment that comes with listening to this. With that said, on to the lolz.

Brokencyde is a 4-piece band (none of them play actual instruments or have the slightest ounce of talent) hailing from "Albacrunky", New Mexico.  They describe their music as "Crunk/Screamo/Electronica". I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING! You're thinking, "Holy cocksmoke, I didn't think it was possible to roll three of the worst genres of music in existence into one burrito of human feces!" Well my friend, it is indeed possible, and its worse than your wildest nightmares. Allow me to introduce the 4 core members of their "Crew", in which the role descriptions may be even more absurd than their names:

-Se7en: Lyrixxx/Screams/Gangster Raps/Production

-Mikl: Vocals/Hypeman

-Phat J: Synths/Back-Up Vox/Growls/Raps

-Ants: Lights!!!/Fog/DMX (SRSLY?! FOG AND LIGHTS?! THEY HAVE AN ACTUAL MEMBER OF THEIR BAND WHOSE ROLE IS TO OPERATE A FUCKING FOG MACHINE AND DO LIGHTS?!)

As clearly visible in the above picture, their fashion sense is IMPECCABLE (blatant sarcasm).  I spy with my little eye....KANYE WEST SHUDDER SHADES! Honestly, when are stupid mall rat hairchunks gonna get a fucking clue and realize that these are not cool. They were not cool when that overconfident, over-autotuned, toolbag of a rapper wore them in the first place.  It's probably not even necessary to mention the excessive neon colors, graphic tee's, bad tattoos/piercings, leather studded bracelet, and randomly placed hair-dye going on in this picture (oopz).

When I first thought to do this blog, Brokencyde immediately came to my head. Like butter is to bread, Brokencyde is to blog about bad bands. As far as their music goes, it sounds like they went through a library of shitty No Limit Records beats and used the ones with pretty much the exact same tempo, rhythm, and overused synth riff. Oh, how Master P and Silkk the Shocker would be proud.  No matter how bad the music is, though, the vocals take the prize for the worst musical aspect of this group. Between the indecipherable screams and played-out auto-tune singing, Kanye West almost seems listen-able at this point(almost).  Once again, their lyrics revolve around going to clubs, drinking, and getting "freaky" with girls.  The only clubs these douchemasters are getting into to get freaky with girls is their local Chuck E. Cheese, considering that's pretty much the only demographic that could possibly take these clowns seriously.

Aside from their looks and music, the biggest travesty of all is that these dickheads take themselves seriously. They think they're doing something groundbreaking and revolutionary. They are also quite adamant about the fact that they are NOT a bunch of rich, middle-class, suburban boys trying to cash in. Yeah, I'll believe that when i cum rainbows and confetti. I honestly was hoping that these kids were pulling a huge prank in getting kids to like this garbage.  At least I'd have some ounce of faith in music in humanity.  Sadly, this is not the case. I will leave you with some cold, hard, evidence of Brokencyde's absurdity.

fuck

well. two days ago, i had about 3/4 of an amazing new blog post written, and then my interweb browser decided to "unexpectedly shut down" which I should've "expected". so now i have to rewrite all of this genius which shouldn't be too hard because i have an iron trap for a mind. the problem is that i'm lazy, which probably doesn't jive well with the idea of keeping up with a blog and having SO MANY people count on my blog for their daily (or rather weekly) lolz. Rest assured, this gold mine will be up either today or tomorrow. In the mean time, have a looksy at this treasure:

i can't believe this shit is real

Ok, seriously? What the fuck am I looking at right now? It looks like Urban Outfitters, American Apparel, neon colors, and Maybelline eyeliner had a hot, sweaty orgy at a swingers club, and somehow spawned this litter of trash. Ladies and gentleman, meet the future and/or current obsession of 13-15 year old hairchunks across the country: The Millionaires. They tease their unwashed hair to ungodly levels of poofiness They wear shirts with allover text saying something "cool" or "edgy" about dancing, neon bracelets reminiscent of 4th grade, and FUCKING NAME PLATE BELT-BUCKLES. Aside from their innumerable fashion travesties, they also make what some unfortunately call "music".

I'm not even sure where to begin with this. I guess my point can be summed up in the fact that the first song you hear when visiting their Myspace is "Just Got Paid Lets Get Laid". Amongst the Garage Band Loop'd beats and incoherent mess of shitty synthesizers, the obnoxious/over-produced voices of three girls that sound like they're 14 years old come through. They talk about drinking, having sex, being "VIP", and countless other topics you would expect from a group of teenage girls that frequent the mall and idolize Kiki Kannibal. 

Through further analysis (and lurking), I came to find that these girls are 20 years old.  I mean, when I was under 21 I was all about underage drinking and such (well, after I broke edge), but I wasn't flaunting it by making shitty "rap" songs about doing "shots of jager". Let's get a few things straight:

-Drinking alcohol is fun

-Being an alcoholic is not cool

-Being an underage-scene-queen-myspacewhorewhorapsaboutbeinganalcoholic is even more not cool because the chance that any of these girls can take two sips of an alcoholic beverage and not lose their shit is slim to none.

Going back to the song title "Just Got Paid Let's Get Laid" issue: I don't know about most of you, but the thought of these girls getting any action from any penis makes my stomach churn. I feel like the sight of my bed the next morning would be similar to a box of crayons throwing up.

I guess there's not much else to say about the Millionaires. I'm pretty sure their music is self-explanatory. I'll leave you with a question: Would you rather have sex with the girl in the image on the right?----------------------------->

or listen to The Millionaires? TRICK QUESTION! HAVING SEX WITH THE GIRL ON THE RIGHT WOULD PROBABLY INVOLVE LISTENING TO THE MILLIONAIRES WHILST FORNICATING!

Suck it.

Blogwagon

I'm probably just doing this whole blog thing for myself because, let's be honest, I'm not particularly gifted at writing, and probably not many people really care about what I have to say. With that said, this blog is primarily going to consist of me talking a whole lot of shit about bands I don't like (since David Bader is too much of a sissy-man to do it himself at Walksdon'tgetyoudirty).

Let's see how long I actually stick to this.